|Thailand is paradise
for Westerners who want to date pretty young ladies. Finding
a date with a comely Thai woman is easy, but finding the right
girl with more to offer than a pretty face and an attractive
figure – like education, fluent English and a cosmopolitan background
– is much more difficult. And once you find her, getting a date,
establishing a relationship and dealing with the inevitable
problems of a cross-cultural relationship, including marriage
and raising a family, can turn out to be a big headache.
• Categories of Thai girls
• Where to Meet
• What Thai Girls Want
• Approaching Thai Girls
• Good Places for a First Date
• How to Act on a First Date and Subsequent Dates
• How to Tell If She Likes You
• Dealing with Thai Personalities
• Money Issues
• Making Her Happy
• Expressing Feelings of Affection
• Meeting Her Family
• Public Displays of Affection
• Beyond the First Kiss
• Ending a Relationship
• Living Together
• When to Marry
• Wedding Ceremony
• The Wife’s and Husband's Role
• Raising Children
• And etc.
Who said you can’t have it all?
You can, but you have to know what
you are doing. This book provides the answers and a roadmap
for dealing with dating, love and marriage in the Land of
For over six years now, I have been running my own upscale
matchmaking service company in Bangkok for professionals who
are well-educated, well-groomed, attractive and successful.
My work involves dealing with a wide range of clients, including
Thais, Asians and foreigners. I provide tips on dating, all
the way from planning the first date to post-date advice and
Trust me when I say that it matters not a jot how professional
you may be. When it comes to dating, we are all pretty much
after the same thing, but there are significant differences
in the way we go about it. These variations include the way
we wish to be approached, the way we want to be courted and
the way we expect to be treated.
Despite everyone aspiring to the same thing, most of us have
few clues about how to go about the courtship process. It
used to come as a bit of a surprise to me that a Western executive
from a multinational company, who has to confront competitors
on a daily basis and participate in heated boardroom discussions,
hasn't a clue about how to deal with a lovely, petite Thai
woman. But more often than not, this is the case.
Perhaps this is to be expected. After all, it’s widely joked
that men and women come from two different planets, the lady
from Venus and the man from Mars. And believe me, these planetary
differences are greatly amplified when it comes to mixed race
and multi-cultural relationships, like the ones I deal with
on a daily basis.
The mistakes made by foreigners bent upon courting Thai women
are numerous and relatively easy to categorise. One of the
most common errors is to assume that all Thai ladies are alike.
I often have a difficult time explaining to well intentioned
executives that the rules for dating a poorly educated Thai
lady who works in a bar are completely different from those
applying to a successful, well-educated lady who works for
a large company. The latter are far more shy and sensitive
than a bar girl and courting her is an involved process with
a lot of rules about how it should be conducted.
Many of my new male clients, for example, get turned down
long before they even reach the starting point. They are unable
to get a date, failing miserably from being overly aggressive
or showing too much interest. Thai ladies often consider such
behaviour to be annoying or, in extreme cases, even psycho.
Then there are the foreign men who give the young ladies a
business card on the first date. After returning with positive
reviews, I advise them to follow up with a second date soon.
Guess what they say? “I gave her my business card; if she’s
interested, she knows how to get in touch!” Hardly the right
approach for decent Thai girls!
We would never do the calling; it’s just not how we’re brought
up. This approach has failure written all over it, especially
when you meet through a matchmaking service, which makes it
crystal clear that clients are interested in looking for a
long-term relationship, and not a one-night stand.
In short, if you like a Thai girl, you’re going to have to
get that smart phone out of your pocket and press the redial
button –Nokia and iPhone have made it easy for you!
Here is an interesting story that provides insight into how
Thais and foreigners often view a first date. I fixed up a
dinner date for a foreign man and Thai overseas graduate.
The next day, I asked the man how the date had gone. He told
me that the date had gone okay, that he liked the girl, but
felt she wasn’t really interested. She hadn’t paid much attention
to what he had to say, and when he asked questions, she had
responded only very briefly. After hearing his feedback, I
was pretty sure he’d read the situation correctly. The girl’s
English was good, so communication clearly hadn’t been the
problem. This didn’t sound too promising.
So I called the girl and asked her how it had gone. And I
must say I was more than a little surprised to hear that she
liked the guy and enjoyed meeting him a lot. She said he seemed
nice, easy to be with and friendly.
Imagine my surprise when I heard her reasons for playing it
cool: “I am Thai, and met him through a matchmaking service.
I didn’t want to come across as desperate!” Luckily I had
been involved, or else the man – confident that she had not
been keen – would have called it a day, and in spite of being
very interested in her, immediately ended all contact.
This is just one example of course. But it does clearly show
that while both parties might be fluent in English, cultural
differences and expectations can get in the way, big time.
I also have many well-educated Thai ladies dating Westerners
as my clients, who also encounter some major cultural issues.
Often, they misread the guys’ true intentions, leading – on
occasion – to huge misunderstandings.
Because of these and other misunderstandings, I used to give
free advice to both girls and guys asking for my help. Eventually,
however, the demand grew so much that in 2008 I decided to
start a coaching service for daters.
Nonetheless, misunderstandings, lack of experience and the
large cultural divide continue to give couples and would-be
couples countless problems on their way to acquiring a partner
to love or marry. Clients are making the same mistakes again
and again, and finally a book just seemed like the next logical
step to provide guidance and help solve their problems.
I hope this book will be beneficial to both single foreigners
who are new to Thailand, and those who have been here a while
but have not really learned how to date decent, well-educated
Thai women. Through the book, I also want to tell foreign
men seeking a well-educated Thai lady as a partner that it
isn't difficult and is well worth the effort.
I have been told by some foreign men that though they find
dating Thais easy, they find it difficult to find a really
good one to marry. But the truth is, they are often looking
for true love in the wrong place. You wouldn’t believe me
if I told you where they spend their time looking for women.
It doesn’t surprise me at all that they are not successful!
If you have any suggestions about the book or any questions
about dating in Thailand and/or with Thai girls, please feel
free to write and share them with me at email@example.com.
So here we go, let’s get started.
Determining What's in the Package
Don’t expect to learn much about a Thai girl
from the way she looks or dresses. Thais, these days, generally
dress well, whatever their background, so trying to tell who
is well-educated and who isn’t could prove difficult. The
trick is to start up a conversation, and within minutes by
watching her manners and behaviour carefully you will definitely
know a lot more about her.
If you are new to Thailand you need to be aware that Bangkok
is full of ‘lady boys’ (transvestites), who are sadly often
more attractive and better turned out than the real thing.
It isn't always easy to tell whether what you see is a boy
or a girl. The best way is to either watch for the Adam’s
apple or start up a conversation to listen for that tell-tale
To determine if a girl is well-educated and a desirable companion,
here’s what to look for.
Other than being able to speak English adequately, good Thai
girls do not wear clothes that are overly revealing, nor do
they drink heavily – downing one glass after another as if
it were drinking water.
We do not use our bodies as wallpaper, cluttering them with
tattoos of dubious patterns and origins. Nor do we speak or
act aggressively. And most of all we do not dance on bar stools
or poles, or ask you to help support our families through
As for shopping, take it from me, decent girls do not drag
their men into the first shopping mall they see and ask you
to buy her things. And when it comes to sex, we do not sleep
around, or even enter into a physical relationship with anyone
until we feel secure and loved.
If a girl you meet has displayed any of the above behaviour,
you may wish to reconsider your choice in a partner. Is she,
you might want to ask yourself, somebody you really wish to
spend the rest of your life with?
Categories of Thai girls
Just so you get the picture a little easier,
I have categorised Thai girls into four different groups:
1. Bar girls. We won’t delve into this group too
deeply as this book is aimed at professionals, who are interested
in dating a well-educated Thai girl from a good family and
with a good job, with the long-term goal of dating or even
marriage. It should be said of course that a bar girl can
love her family, her boyfriend or her husband with as much
passion and dedication as any other girl, but the trade she
practices may not, however, suit most Western men.
2. Country Girls. This is another category that is
not really within our target group. Country girls, while often
educated to a certain extent, are far more traditional than
many western men are likely to want to deal with. Moreover,
the chances of meeting a Thai country girl in Bangkok and
striking up a long-lasting relationship are not high, despite
the fact it seems to rank high on the fantasy list of some
Western men. However, many of the characteristics you will
find in Thai country girls are also shared by our next group.
3. Educated girls with little or no exposure to Western
culture. This group of girls may or may not speak good
English, but they tend to be professionals, often working
in offices. They generally go into the office each day and
return home to their family (mum, dad, siblings, etc.) each
evening. If their parents or family do not live in Bangkok,
they frequently live with a cousin or another girl. On weekends,
they often watch TV at home or hang out with friends and family.
They also like to go out with girl friends or university friends
to trendy coffee shops, prominent temples or on shopping expeditions
to places like Chatuchak Market.
4. Educated girls familiar with Western culture and/or
Western men. This group is likely to be fluent in English
and work in an international company. They might have graduated
from an overseas university and might even have a Master's
Degree. They are often used to dealing with Western men on
a daily basis at work. Some of these girls even work in family
businesses, so they are not necessarily needing any financial
support. Moreover, don’t make the mistake of underestimating
their intelligence. This type of girl tends to have a more
active lifestyle; they like to go out, party and meet people.
They may have some Western friends. They like to travel overseas,
like to eat out at good restaurants, and often appreciate
fine wine and champagne.
In this guidebook, we will focus on girls in categories 3
and 4 only.
Don’t get me wrong, this categorisation is by no means a hard
and fast rule, and I am pretty sure you will meet girls who
do not fall neatly into any of these categories. For example,
there are plenty of girls who haven’t studied abroad, but
are nevertheless familiar with Westerners; other girls have
already been married to Thais and are now divorced; still
others have significant exposure outside of Thailand, but
are still so deeply insulated in their family that they do
not seem as cosmopolitan as you’d expect. As with any relationship,
you will have to figure these things out for yourself – which
is, after all, part of the fun and adventure that is life!
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